Researching Parents

Is it possible your child could be teased about something penis-related in the locker room? Yes. But even if such teasing were to happen to your child (research suggests it isn’t likely), it’s even less likely their foreskin would be the focus. And circumcising is no “fix” — it won’t make them any less likely to be teased, researchers say.

You can find social media posts like this almost daily, from parents who just had a child cut, using search terms related to “circumcision.” Most of the world does not cut the foreskins off of their babies. We must do better to protect children from harm.

Note: Because social media posts like this are common, we’ll update this blog post periodically with new screenshots.

You’re also going to have to know, really KNOW, that your child is not going to be a social pariah or a 40-year-old virgin because they have their foreskin. How do you know this without actually knowing it? Because you will teach your kid to love and appreciate their whole body, just as you love and appreciate your whole body. And you might worry, What culturally-conditioned foreskin-phobic American will love my child with a natural penis? The answer? The kind of person you would want to love your child: someone who isn’t afraid to go against the grain, who seeks knowledge and is open to new information, who wants to experience the pleasure that foreskin will bring, who will love every inch of your grown child’s whole body, and will want to leave your future grand-babies whole and perfect, too.

I am not a doctor and I shouldn’t need to know this much about the human penis, but as long as children are being painfully, needlessly, and permanently injured every day, I will do what is in my power to help protect their bodies. You are not a doctor either, but you may be your child’s only advocate. Please, educate yourself so that you can protect your child from forced retraction of the foreskin.

People in the U.S. approaching the topic of circumcision for the first time are often looking for unbiased resources — materials that don't seem fanatical and do clearly lay out both the risks and benefits of the procedure. Armed with such resources, expectant parents believe they can make an informed choice and feel confident about it, regardless of whether they decide to leave their child intact, or opt for circumcision. There's just one issue with the seeking of unbiased sources: they don't exist. Particularly on topics deeply rooted in our cultural psyche and thus controversial, like circumcision.

Most of the adults in the world have foreskin and are quite happy with its associated benefits. While the majority of current adult males in the United States were circumcised at birth, you can find many happily intact men in the U.S., as well.

One of the most difficult parts of being circumcised is the mental and emotional damage. Though it won’t be easy, you need to tell your son the truth. You need to tell him what happened to his body, you need to explain everything to him, and you need to be supportive.

I’ll never know exactly what happened in the nursery that day. I thought that my little boys were sleeping when they came back. Now I know that they were in shock from the horrible pain I put them through. The nurse came in to show me what to look for in circumcision aftercare. The gauze was stuck to one of the boys’ bloodied penises. She pulled it off, hard, and my son started screaming. Over his cries, she shouted the aftercare instructions.

I bullied and convinced my wife to cut our oldest child without any factual reasons.

While in that room, I witnessed first-hand a total of five circumcisions. Seeing how those boys reacted and changed was just heartbreaking. I knew in my heart and mind that it wasn't right, but still continued pushing my reasons for getting it done.

It is a surgery performed with little or no anesthesia on a helpless, restrained infant. It hurts…a lot. It takes the better part of a week to heal. It alters the appearance of the baby’s penis forever. It removes countless nerve endings and alters sexual pleasure forever. It has a complication rate. The penis cannot be returned to its original state. All of this is done without the benefit of informed consent from the recipient of the procedure. I am not comfortable that we impose this choice on our children.

In the fall of 2012, my wife and I were expecting our second and final child. Our first child — a daughter — was just under 2 years old. We were okay with raising a daughter because, well, we were two women. . . but a boy would be much different. We suspected this little one was a boy, so the thought of circumcision had crossed our minds, but we hadn't yet made a decision.

I couldn't sleep that night because I knew what was coming. When they came in to take him to be circumcised, I signed the form with my heart literally aching in my chest. My newborn son was wheeled away and I began to panic. I remember sobbing and telling my husband, "I want him back. He’s perfect…”